Often people overestimate themselves, it seems to them that they are ideal in everything. Most of them are sure that it is very pleasant to communicate with them.
If you consider yourself a great conversationalist, others may have their own point of view on this score.
The fact is that in a personal conversation, not only the ability to joke and tell interesting stories is of great importance, but also the respect for distance, respect for the partner.
If you behave cheekily, ask too personal questions, soon there will be no one who wants to communicate with you.
Below are 10 errors that prevent you from becoming a pleasant conversationalist. You will understand how to behave with different people, and learn how to properly draw boundaries when communicating.
10. Personal issues
Perhaps the most common mistake that everyone makes. You can ask your girlfriend or sister about your personal life, but refrain from such questions when communicating with colleagues.
If you want to become a pleasant conversationalist, ignore the topic of personal relationships, children, health and appearance.
Even if you want to help your well-fed colleague, and decide to share the miraculous method of losing weight, it is unlikely that he will appreciate your concern. Most likely, he will be upset and will continue to avoid communicating with you.
9. Touch
Most people cannot stand it when the other person touches them during a conversation. Observe the zone of comfortable communication, for friends and colleagues this distance should not be less than 1 meter.
If you are trying to get closer, do not be surprised that people are moving away from you. Many people feel uncomfortable when an outsider invades personal space.
If you feel free in any society, personal boundaries are not important to you, this does not mean that other people feel the same way. To avoid unpleasant scenes, do not break these rules.
8. Gifts
Gifts without a reason - this is very good, but only if they are given by a loved one.
If you decide to please a colleague or unfamiliar person, he will feel uncomfortable. Inappropriate gifts just violate the personal boundaries of a person, as well as touch. You are trying to get close to a person without asking his consent.
The price of the gift also matters. Nothing terrible will happen if you bring small souvenirs from your colleagues to your colleagues, but if you allocate one of them with an expensive gift, rumors begin immediately. You will put a person in an awkward position.
7. Tips
If you like giving advice, people probably don’t really like talking to you. Do not think that you can give advice to loved ones. They themselves will deal with their lives. Forget your best intentions and precious experience.
Advise only when asked about it. Be discreet at work, too, although there are exceptions to the rule in the professional field.
You can advise only to your subordinates and only on working matters. Of course, if you know exactly what to do.
6. Detailed stories about yourself
Most people love to talk about themselves, while they absolutely do not know how to listen. If you want to make a good impression on your interlocutors, do not get carried away with stories about your life, especially if they have nothing to do with the topic of conversation.
If you notice that your interlocutor nods absentmindedly, then he is not interested in listening to your stories, or you just got tired of him.
Do not rush to share the details of your personal life with unfamiliar people. This behavior makes a repulsive impression.
5. Appreciation and praise
If you love to evaluate any phenomenon or action, refrain from commenting. No one cares what you think about this. If your opinion is of value, you are sure to be asked.
Do not evaluate other people's salaries, appearance, chosen ones. Do not touch this topic at all. Inappropriate praise can also ruin your impression of you.
If you want to praise a person, just say that you are very happy for him.
4. Requests
If you are not shy about asking people around you, they will soon consider you a beggar. We’ll tell you a secret: people don’t like it when someone breaks their plans.
It seems to you that it will not be difficult for a colleague to throw you home, because you live very close by. Maybe he doesn't like the presence of a stranger in the car at all. Of course, this is just an example; different situations may arise.
Better not abuse someone else's kindness and rely only on your own strengths.
3. Inattention and indifference
You will never become a pleasant conversationalist if you do not listen to what they tell you. If you are distracted, interrupt, a person will feel out of place. He will understand that you and him are not interested. If this is true, then do not continue to communicate.
If you are forced to maintain contact with this person, at least pretend that it is important for you to know his opinion.
Nevertheless, it will be much better if you understand the essence of the conversation: ask questions, respond to the words of the interlocutor.
2. Overly smart looking
It's nice to talk with a smart person, but only if he does not build anything from himself. If you pour in scientific terms or speak a professional language, the interlocutor will not understand even half of what you told him.
If you have a smart person in front of you, it will not be a secret for him that you have a high level of intelligence and without complex turns and tricky words.
Do not try to seem smarter than you really are. You can get into a ridiculous situation.
1. Attention to the phone
No one will like it if during the conversation the interlocutor is distracted by the phone. It doesn’t matter what you do: view the news in the feed on the social network or write an important message, it is important that you do not pay attention to your interlocutor.
Literary scholars even came up with a name for this phenomenon. The habit of being distracted by a smartphone during a conversation they called "fubbing."
Put yourself in the place of your interlocutor, imagine that he also "sits" on the phone. This is very unpleasant, so you demonstrate your disrespect and neglect.
If you have a need to call or reply to a message, apologize and say that you have to leave for a short time.